Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's About Time

I'm feeling a little down.

I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me.  Honestly.  I'm one of those people that go, go, go.  I have a hard time stopping.  Even to read a book, or take a walk, or breath.  I don't take baths (well for 2 reasons, I can't relax, I just think about everything I could be getting done, and it gets really HOT in there :), I don't nap (maybe once and a while but there are so many other things I could be doing), I don't do any me things.  I feel guilty if Tim watches the kids so that I can go shopping.  I feel guilty  about so many things that I shouldn't.  And this is the truth.  I have a few issues.

I stopped doing cakes because they were making me crazy.  I think I cried over the past 10 orders because something just went wrong, or I was dealing with a temperamental client, or I'd get impatient with the kids because they'd be trying their hardest to get into my frosting.

With taking less orders and then eventually (I have 3 orders left, possible 4) being done, I've had a lot of extra time.  I didn't rest.  The first week I didn't have an order, I tore my house apart to organize it.   Top to bottom.  You'd think I would have sat on the couch with bon bons and a bottle of wine with my feet up.

What is wrong with me?  I don't expect you to answer or comment, well because you can't.  But, I'm just trying to figure it out.  Because since the cakes, I've had time to really pick up my camera and take some pictures.  And I love it.  Love it.  I'm passionate about it. 

I've learned more and just want to keep learning.  It's so much fun, and challenging.  Boy is it challenging.  There are ah hah moments all the time.

But I've posted many of my pictures on Facebook, just to share with family and friends.  And I've had quite a few people tell me I should do it professionally.  Tim has been pushing me to do it for months and months now.  He thinks I'm awesome (and I'm never going to tell him otherwise ;).  So I thought about it, and thought about it.  And decided to do it.

I offered 6 free shoots to get a portfolio going and I had enough within 10 minutes.  Of course everyone loves something free so I can't assume they all think I'm amazing, lol)

And by the way.  Do I think I'm great?  No.  Do I think I'm an amazing photographer?  Absolutely not.  Do I know everything there is to know about starting a photography business?  Uh, no, no, no.  Do I have all the right equipment to start up this business?  Not at all.

What I do know is that I can capture the moment.  I do have an artistic quality that grows with each time I snap.  I do know that I love it.  I do know that there are so many people telling me how awesome my stuff is and how they've been pushing me into it.

Guess what I didn't factor in?  Childcare.  How am I possibly going to find someone that will come watch the kids for me when I want to shoot in the best light?  It ain't noon people.  You all know that.  And it's weekends.

It's not like the cake business when I could do everything from home.  This is out on location.  Unless of course I was rolling in cash and could build a studio from the ground up in my teeny tiny backyard.

So now I'm kind of sad.  I was really, really looking forward to it.  I will probably still do these shoots for people but that's if my Mom wants to watch the kids.  I can't even ask her to watch the kids that much.  That's a little much.  And I think it's selfish on my part.

I think I need to force myself to take a breather.  Start enjoying those walks, and pick up a good book.  Do crafts with the kids and not look at the clock thinking why is this taking so long, I have work to do.  My kids are getting so big.  And I feel like I haven't been the best Mom.  I feel like I've been selfish.  By doing so much, I feel like I took valuable time away from them.  Why am I just now figuring this out?

I don't want to feel like I'm missing out.  I want to take a break from everything.  And just be a Mom.  Oh and work my real job, you know the one that pays me?  And not stress out about anything.

I asked Tim why I can't just take a break.  Why did I jump into something else before I'm even done with the first thing?  Why can't I just rest? 

I decided I'll try to do something as a hobby for once.  I don't have to make everything into a profession right?  I think I will though, one day.  When my kids start to dislike me tremendously and I'm no longer the best thing ever.  When I'm not Mommy anymore.  When I'm just 'Mom' and my kids would rather be out playing with their friends then sitting in the kitchen coloring with Mommy.

Then I'll pick it back up and start that business.  I want to.  And by then, I'll have awesome equipment, and tons of locations to choose from.  And in the meantime, I'll do some stuff for friends and family, to keep a portfolio going.  But no advertising.  Until my kids hate my guts.

Until then, I'll be a Princess with my girls, and we'll paint our toes.  And make cookies.  And watch movies.  And make memories.

Because that is what life is all about.  That is what makes life so special, and beautiful.
It's about time.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

My Kids are Sick of My Camera

I think I've taken taking pictures of my kids too seriously recently.

Madi never looks at me, and Riley is now like, "Really Mom?  Another picture?  Fine.  But I'm not going to smile."

And just yesterday I got my new lens.  And I wanted to practice today.  And my kids not only didn't want to look at my camera, they were beastly.  They don't listen to me anyway, like on a daily basis.  And they fight.  They fight.  They fight.  They fought today over an imaginary dress.  Like a dress that does not exist except for in the eyes of my children.  They were fighting for the air.  Seriously.  And it ended in tears.

My kids are so opposite.  I'm thinking this might be why they do this fighting thing.  Or I'm just a really bad Mom and need to call Nanny 911 or whatever that show is.

Hmmmm.  Or put them both in school.  They need to be separated.  For at least half of our waking hours.  Don't get me wrong, there are good times too, but 70-80% of their day consists with fighting with each other.  The other 20-30% is filled with hysterical laughing, hugs, and kisses, and playing nicely.  I think they have inside jokes, and have made a pact to make my life crazy.

I'm going to do a bit more research but I'll let you know my findings.

I'm just now picking this post back up.  It's Sunday and I had started this post on Friday.  We've had a big weekend.

So I'm just going to post the pictures.  We went to the water park, and then for Frozen Yogurt.  Enjoy.







Um...not our ball.








Sorry, not my typical post.  But Tim and I are finally going to finish the Lost series.  I know, we are way behind, but excited to catch up.

Since it has been at least a couple of years since that show has ended, I might give you all my thoughts about it and how it ends.  Because I can't wait to find out.
:)

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Drama of it All

Tired.

Is actually an understatement.

What a stressful week we had last week.  Well, it's been a stressful 3 weeks.  You want to know the inside scoop?  I'll tell you.

So that job that Tim took about a month and a half ago, remember that one?  How I was excited that he was going to be home early and all that jazz so that we can start having family dinners?  You can read it here if you missed it.

Well, well, well.  What a crock.  So, we are used to a weekly pay period.  This new position is a semi monthly pay period, being paid on the 5th and the 20th.  So we kind of had to go 20 days without my bread winner's pay check.  That was kind of tough.  Then...when he got his check, it was $1000.00 shorter (at least $1000 shorter)then what they had agreed upon.  And then....the check bounced.  What?  Who does that?  And there is a week that he never even saw a paycheck for.

So basically, the only amount of money we've received from them is $1200.00 cash, big flippin woop.  That's all they said that they could "come up with".  Really?  But some money is better then no money.  Add these 3 weeks to the 2 weeks his former employer owes him, and it's 5 weeks of pay.

So there you have it.  That's what we have been dealing with.  Oh yeah, then we thought we had a leak because our water bill came in at $591.00.  Found out (99.9% sure) it's the toilet.  If it was a slab leak, we were looking at $1800.00-$4500.00 in repairs.  So thank the Lord it was just our toilet.  Oh yeah, and then my electric bill came in the next day a hundred dollars more than the highest month we've had so far this year.  When Tim took the new job, I put Riley back to 2 days at preschool.  Just in case.  So glad that I did.  Once we get caught back up, she'll be going 3 days again.

So, stressful?  Yes.  Tears.  Many.  But our faith is strong.  It's difficult in the situation and even though I have faith, it's still hard for me to swallow sometimes.  I'm allowed to get upset don't you think? 

The good news is, I'm a GREAT budgeter.  I'm a saver.  Not a spender.  So we have money to cover all of our problems.  We will get that money that is owed to us.  The question is just when?  I have the NSF check from the bank and have called every day since we received it back to see if there are funds in the account.

Only one day there were enough funds in the account to cover our check, and when Tim got down to the bank it was already gone.  The teller told him he was 45 minutes late.  Sucky!

Tim is now back to work as in independent contractor.  How I miss the W-2 wage days.

Done with the drama of it all?  I am.  I'm over it.  I've moved on.  I hate drama.  I hate when I've been sucked into drama.  The good thing is I don't dwell on ANYTHING. 

I'm totally over you, and your crap.

That's my attitude!

I'd like to say that this post has no more drama, but it probably does.  Am I contradicting myself?  What if I told you it wasn't really drama, and just motherhood.

Before any of that though, I had one of my final orders this past weekend.  It was 65 cookies, 1 three tier cake, and 2 one tier cakes.  All for one party.  A bridal shower.  I only have 2 more orders to go until I'm completely done with it all.

Since I decided to stop doing the cakes, it's been so much more relaxing around here.  And then on the weeks that I actually have an order, I remember why I'm not doing it anymore.  Talk about a ton of hours into something that makes no money.  When you add it all up it just doesn't make sense.  I could make more working overtime for my Dad.  And, not have a mess in my kitchen.

But, they turned out beautiful.  Here, take a look.


I love the black and white!

My delivery was on Saturday.  One of the other reasons I don't want to do cakes anymore.  My weekends were sometimes filled with pick ups and deliveries.  Most of the time people were hours later then they said (which is so rude), and I was stuck at home waiting for them.  On Saturday, that entire day was dedicated to the delivery at 3:00 in Claremont.

It's just not for me anymore.  I will totally enjoy making birthday cakes for the kids, and they will be the best birthday cakes around!  But, no more orders for me.  I don't even want to do it for friends and family like I said I would.  I've packed all my equipment away, and have my kitchen as a normal kitchen again.

It's nice.

Yesterday, Tim was home by the afternoon so we headed out to the park and for dinner at BJs.


We didn't last long at the park.  Maybe 15 minutes?  We go to a very quiet park most of the time.  It's like a little secret.  If you are in the Corona area and want to know where it is, let me know.  I'll share my secret, because I'm nice like that.

Basically there are never more than 3 families there at a time.  But Riley's not a big fan because she's into making friends with everyone.  And this park doesn't present very good opportunities for age appropriate friends.


She was obsessed with becoming friends with this little girl that was younger then Madi.  And with her little baby brother.

Um...she was that annoying little girl on the playground that wanted to be on top of your babies.  Having full on conversations at your child.

And Madi, just had to go potty.  And had an accident.


That kid has had more accidents.  She waits to long.  Doesn't want to stop playing.  So if I don't catch her holding herself, it's a quick rush to the potty.

And the poor thing gets so upset when she has an accident.


After the incident, we headed back to the house for new pants and a potty break, and then headed to BJs for dinner.  The kids were excellent, and at the end of the meal they asked us if they could go to bed now.

Check please!

And in other news, I know you are so super jealous of my fancy blue nail polish with purple glitter.  They match the girls' nails.  "If you are going to be a princess like me, you have to paint your nails pretty, with sparklies." -Riley Rush


And I definitely want to be a princess.  I kinda feel like I'm 15.  But I kinda like them too.  I'm feeling quite fancy.

Oh and I'm Princess and the Frog.  Not Tiana, but Princess and the Frog.  Riley is Sleeping Beauty.  Madi is Ariel (or sometimes the mother, when Riley wants to be Rapunzel, can you tell which one is older?).  We call each other by our princess names.  But I can't get them to start calling me Tiana.  I'm Princess and the Frog.

Should I tell Daddy?  I don't think he looks like a Frog.

Hope you all had a great weekend!


Monday, September 12, 2011

30 Day Photo Challenge, Days 12-17

First, I'm thinking it's time to update the look of this old blog again.  Summer is over, it's almost time for Halloween!  One of my favorites!  Not in an evil way...in a the kids get to dress up and we get to decorate with pumpkins, and black and orange type of way.  You know, with a little spooky in the mix! ;)


The Challenge again...



Day 12:  A photo experimenting with bokeh



Do you know how hard it is to go looking for bokeh?  I mean honestly.  I really wanted a shot taken in the day time, with the sun as my lighting, but I never got around to getting a good shot.  So this picture was taken at Disneyland.  Behind the glasses is the tea cup ride.  It's a little more harsh of a picture then what I originally wanted.  I wanted a soft picture, but the opportunity never presented itself.  But this one is cool, just not my first choice.

Day 13:  A photo edit that you like.


I know you've seen this picture before (some of you), but I remember how proud I was of what I did with it.  I edit pretty much all the pictures I take now and I love them all.  But this is the first time that I really edited in Photoshop.  And used like this 30 step process to get the eyes to pop.  Since then, I've found a 3 step process.  I think I found the tutorial on Pioneer Woman's blog.  That woman is cool.  And I love her tips.

Day 14:  A photo focusing on eyes.


A special thank you to my model...Stacy.  Talk about pretty eyes.  Her eyes are such a deep blue.  Love her.  She was sipping her coffee when I remembered that this challenge was my next one.  So I snapped a couple of pictures and this is the one that I ended up with.  I love it.

Day 15:  A photo of what ever you please.


I snapped that at my Grandma's house.  I just like the colors and pattern.  I think it's kind of cool and abstract.  It's the top of her little bistro outside.

Day 16:  A photo experimenting with light trails.


Okay this picture, I love!  I was so proud of myself.  And this is the picture that got me so far behind in the challenge.  I had to wait for Tim to get home to actually get it and he has been working such crazy hours.  You would have laughed if you saw me that night.  I grabbed my bar stool and headed out to Foothill.  I thought I didn't have a tripod.  I mean I have one for my video camera.  Never in a million years did I think of trying it with my camera.  Until last night.  Yeah, so I have a tripod now.

Anyway, I love this picture.  I was proud of myself.  I'm learning. :)

Day 17:  A photo with street lights.


To me, the street light challenge was boring.  Have you seen the street lights in Corona?  Ugly.  Ugly.  Ugly.  So I took the opportunity when we were at the Mission Inn yesterday to get something fancy.  Glad I did! 

I realize that I'm totally behind in this challenge, but I'm okay with that.  It's not like I don't have a job, or kids, or anything like that.  I can't think about it 24/7.  But don't be surprised if I take a day and complete it.  I will complete it, just on my own time.  It's fun.  It makes you think creatively.  And without thinking, it forces you to try new things with your camera.  I'd try it if I were you.  You'll be surprised at how much you like it!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9-11-11


I remember 10 years ago.  I was in college.  In Kentucky.  And I was driving to class.  I was trying to find something to listen to on the radio.  I tried all my stations.  Everyone was talking.  No music.  I couldn't figure out why, so I left it on one.  You know in college, there were so many things on my mind that I was not listening at first.  Until my mind wandered back to the radio, and why there were still no jams.

And then I started to listen.  To the horrifying things I was hearing.  It had to be a joke.  But it wasn't.  I finally got to school and found a parking spot.  And just sat in my car.  Listening.  My eyes welled up and I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  Before I knew it, I was 10 minutes late to class.  I pulled myself out of the car and walked quickly to class.  My mind racing.  I didn't want to go.  But I did.

Class was canceled.  It was serious.

We had a game that day.  In Louisville.  It got canceled.

Our coach had us in Memorial Coliseum and was telling us what was going on.  I couldn't believe my ears.  It was awful.

And the days that followed were bad.

My heart goes out to those that were lost, to those that lost, and to those that so unselfishly did their best to save those that they could.

And I'm so proud of our troops, and what they do everyday to keep our country safe.

I thank God for them.  I'm sad that this devastating day ever had to happen.  I'm thankful for all the heroes.  There were so many.

And I'm thankful for all the articles this week leading up to today that will never let us forget.

Tim has been wanting to go to March Air Force Base for a long time now.  So we went today.  I thought it would be cool to visit, especially today.


There were quite a few visitors there.  And all seemed to have a reason as to why they were there.

It really is a cool place, and I would have liked to have spent at least another 2 hours there.  But the kids, you know, those beasts I post pictures of on here all the time?  They were bad.  It seems to be the pattern these days.


But we stayed long enough to have a little bit of fun.  And to learn about all the men and women that have fought for our country.


I really didn't know how much I loved museums.  Until today.


It's so important to know where we came from.  And what others have done for our freedom.  It makes you feel very insignificant.  In a good way.


It helps to have a hubby come along with you that watches the history channel.  And is one of those guys that knows something about everything.  Very educational.


Of course, the girls thought we were going to actually be getting on a plane.  Probably to go see Nana and Grand Dad.  I'm sorry that we had to disappoint them.


But there is no way I was getting on one of those planes.  To go anywhere.  Not even to the McDonald's down the street for a milkshake.


Not this girl!

It was fun though, and the girls did have a good time before the melt down.  You know, I saw another family there.  With 2 little boys.  About the same ages as Riley and Madi.  They held their Mom and Dad's hand the entire time.  And were quiet.  And did what they were told.

I really want to know how those parents did that.  Or where they bought their children.  And if they do trade ins....just kidding...but seriously...why are mine so hard headed?  And stubborn?  And independent?

Makes my job hard.  But that's okay.  They are cute.  If they weren't....

But after the Air Force Base, we headed over to the Mission Inn.


We thought we'd get the girls some icecream and take a nice walk around downtown.  With all the bums.  I repeat...WITH ALL THE BUMS.

Sad, but scary.  They were kind of everywhere today.  So we found the best place we could to kick off our shoes and have some icecream.


Aren't those cute?  Thanks April, the girls love their flippy floppies!  Check her out at She Flops 

She's awesome.  And owes me a sushi date... :)  We need to set that up girlie!

It was a nice day.  Considering the screaming, and crying.  We walked around the Mission Inn to see the room that Tim and I stayed in on our wedding night.  It's the top floor.


Best night ever that was!

But in closing, I hope you never forget about what happened that day.  I know I won't.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Riley's First Day of Pre-K

Yesterday, Riley had her first day of Pre-K.  I was excited to drop her off.  I'm going to be honest.  This summer, with the girls fighting every two seconds, was very hard.  I'm sure if you walked by my house at any moment on any day, you would have heard me screaming, Riley screaming, or Madi screaming.  Followed with crying, and slamming of doors.

Awe.  Summer.

So  much fun.  But it all had to end (thank the Lord!!) and Riley is back in school.

Her teachers this year are Ms. Jennifer and Ms. Lewann.  Very, very sweet ladies and I met Ms. Lewann last year, her daughter was in Riley's preschool class.

We are also very excited that Riley's bestie Zoe is in her class as well.  Those two used to get into trouble last year.  Causing rucus at lunch time.

So here she is.  In her brand new outfit for her first day.
 



Yep, we go blingy.  Riley likes her glitter, her ruffles, and her bows.


And she wanted this outfit at Target because it had the Shake it Up girls on the sign above it.  Who are they by the way?  I think they are on the Disney channel, and sometimes Riley gets bits and pieces of that one.  I don't like those older kid shows.  I think some of them send a bad message.

But we bought the clothes anyway.  Thanks Disney.


There were no tears shed.  I brought her in.  She said hi to all of her old friends.  Got her name tag.  And then told me to leave.


And then Madi cried.  Because she wanted to stay.  It's going to be a hard year when it comes to that.

Good luck Riley in your last year of preschool.  You start Kindergarten next year.  I'm hoping this year goes by slow.  Really slow.  Because when you start Kindergarten next year, you will be a real kid.  Not my "baby".  You will be old.  And going to real birthday parties.  And doing homework. 

When did you get so big?  When did you start having these conversations with me?  When did you become a person?  I'm so excited for you and a little emotional at the same time.

I love to watch you grow up but want to slow it down so bad.  I love you Riley Rush.  With all of my heart.  Your Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you.


 

Me

My Photo
I'm Kristi, the wife of one very lucky and handsome husband, and mother to two beautiful little girls. I'm honest and sarcastic, funny and easy going. I love to eat and love to hate that I love butter. And wine. And did I mention butter? I'm always learning new things, happy to lend a hand, and love my life. This is a blog of my family and the day to day crazy that we call Rush Hour. I hope while you are here that you enjoy yourself and come back often!

The Rush Family

The Rush Family

Follow by Email

My Buddies and Me :)

Search This Blog